


Falling for You

by Lizzy867



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Bad Parenting, Bisexual Dean, Crying Dean, Dean Has Self-Esteem Issues, Death of major character, Depression, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Fallen Castiel, Gross descriptions, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, M/M, Masturbation in Shower, Oral Sex, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Torture, Reincarnation mentioned, Rough Kissing, Rough Sex, Self-Harm, Slow Burn, True Love, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-13
Updated: 2017-01-07
Packaged: 2018-07-23 20:15:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 16
Words: 15,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7478412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lizzy867/pseuds/Lizzy867
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean and his brother Sam find a case in which people are turning violent. Dean calls Cas to help out. Eventually Dean's feelings for the angel surface.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Decisions

**Author's Note:**

> This my first attempt at fanfic so please be kind and leave kudos. Let me know how I'm doing and if you want more. Thanks

Dean was by no means weak. He fought every monster you could think of in your most terrifying nightmares. Sure he felt emotions, but never let them show. He was trained by his stern father at a very young age to fight and keep your feelings at a distance. After 30 years he could easily read people like a book and knew exactly how to get what he wanted out of them. It was absolutely necessary to keep emotions at bay considering his career choice as a hunter. However, after every little victory there would always be a considerable loss. These sorrows were weighing on his soul in ways that were unimaginable to his brother Sam and to his guardian angel Castiel. They had no idea the amount of torment his mind was receiving on a daily basis. Each day it was becoming more difficult to cope with the emotions he felt. It was those same emotions that he convinced himself that he didn't feel. 

Dean remembered being dragged around by his father after his mother died and never had time for "normal" activities as a child. While children his age were playing baseball and avoiding homework, he was shooting 22s and scamming people just to survive. His dad engrained the importance of being a man and that men that showed any emotions were weak. He would often remember his dad going into bars and starting fights just to prove his hyper masculinity. He remembered one particular incident when he was fourteen, his dad walked into a gay bar in Kentucky by accident while he was reading up on a bloodsucker case. Dean could smell the sickening stitch of alcohol on his fathers' breath when he returned to the dingy motel after a binge. 

" I swear to God boy, if you ever become some sissy fag then I will kill you myself!" His father rambled on about how he saw two men kissing and about how he threw up outside the bar he mistakingly walked into that night. Dean felt ashamed because he knew he was starting to have feelings for both sexes. He kept those feelings buried deep down inside along with the rest of his undesirable emotions. 'I shouldn't have these feelings, it's wrong.' He continually repeated that mantra in his head every time he looked a man sexually. Each time he felt that desire or any emotion for that matter, he would drive the knife he kept under his pillow a little deeper into his flesh. Sure it would sting, but he also felt in control. He somehow felt relief in seeing the bright red flow of blood. He would always cut himself in the same area and kept it bandaged under his clothes so he wouldn't raise suspicion from his little brother Sam. He kept hunting along with his lousy father for many years to keep Sam protected until his alcoholic dad finally died of cirrhosis. Dean didn't really mourn his dad's passing, but he didn't expect to. 

Sam knew all about the supernatural creatures his father and older brother hunted after he found his dad's journal after Dean left to go get groceries one day. Dean tried to keep that information close to shield him from the worries of the supernatural world for as long as he could, but eventually it came to surface. Dean would often make up stories about how his dad was a bounty hunter and how would often go with his dad to help him out. At least the 'hunter' part of his dad's pretend career choice was right. Sam was smart though and knew what was going on. He played dumb because his brother was already under a lot of pressure from their dad and he knew how vulnerable Dean was even if Dean didn't. He always knew Dean had more secrets left unsaid, but he didn't feel the need to rock the boat. However, they still clung to each other because they knew they needed one another to survive in the supernatural world and the real one.

Sam remembers Dean desperately coming to his dorm room soon after their dad's death. He wasn't really shocked to hear the news, but it took some considerable effort on Deans part to finally admit to Sam the truth he hid from him all those years ago. That was first time he ever admitted anything to his brother. Sam looked into his brother's green eyes and simply said "I know." 

Sam eventually took up hunting with his brother after his dad died, even though he didn't really desire to do so. His rough upbringing inspired him to want to go to college and become a social worker. He swore that when he grew up that he would give a voice to those children who couldn't speak. He never imagined that he would see his brother again after he left at 16 to go to college. It broke his heart to leave Dean that day. He still remembers the look on his dad's and brother's faces when he told them that he got an acceptance letter. His dad just scrunched his shoulders gave him a stern look of indifference. He remembers Dean looking into his weary brown eyes and just giving him a blank stare. However, he could still see the emotion hiding just beneath the surface. Perhaps he saw a hint of anger or fear. He couldn't tell at that point. Deep down he knew anything could set him off at that point. Sam made a quick decision and walked out the door. He never looked back even though he knew it was wrong and selfish on his part to leave his brother alone with their sorry father. He knew Dean would be his dad's metaphorical punching bag. Sam just didn't really care or thought about it through. He was just a teenager then and anxious about getting away from his father. He still regrets the mistakes he made in the past. He would often wonder about Dean when he sat in his dorm room, especially during fall when everyone was leaving for break. He tried to search for his brother for a time after he left for school to make sure Dean was ok. He never was able to find him, but he knew he would only be able to find Dean if he wanted to be found. Eventually Dean found him instead.


	2. New Case

The diner was cozy and quaint. Dean was just relived to find a place to sit down and relax for a bit after the hell they went through killing werewolves. Dean could smell the cinnamon apple pie permeating throughout the tiny diner. He pulled in the gravel driveway immediately when he saw the sign that read 'World's Greatest Apple Pie." He just had to prove or disprove that statement for himself even though Sam bitched about it being out of their way.

The young blonde waitress approached their booth with a grin. "You ordered the buffalo chicken salad right?". Sam looked up from his laptop briefly and gave her a quick nod. She set the bowl in front of him and shifted her blue eyes to Dean. "And you ordered our world famous apple pie?" she asked as she bit her lip and set the large piece in front of him. That was one thing Dean loved about working a case in the South, they never skimped on portion size. "Thanks sweetheart" He said with a smirk. "I hope it lives up to your expectations" she said as she clicked her pin nervously. "Oh, I'm sure it will" Dean said and gave a wink at her. "Can I get y'all anything else?" she asked with a smile. "I think we're good for now, thanks hun" Dean said as he grabbed his fork. "No problem, if y'all need anything just holler at me. My name is Casey" she said as she flipped her long blond hair and turned away to attend to other customers. She was pretty sexy Dean thought to himself as he bit into the pie. He hoped he turned on his charm enough to get her number.

"Damn, this pie is awesome!" Dean said as he took another bite. "This pie is a like new religion or something, you gotta try some man." He said with his mouth full as he shoved the pie over to Sam. Sam looked up from his laptop and gave him a look of annoyance. "What the hell is wrong with you?" Dean leaned over the table and whispered. Sam just went back to reading something on his laptop and continued chomping on his salad. 

"Ok, whatever...you know it's not my fault that you almost got yourself killed by that werewolf last night. I told you to just wait in the damn Impala this time, but no you had to come after me when I specifically told you not to. You're lucky I'm so vigilant." Dean said. Sam simply looked up and said "Well how was I supposed to do that Dean? You know I couldn't just wait around while you fought off that lone werewolf. It still could've had a few pack members left that we missed." Dean let out a sound of aggravation as he finished up his pie and laid the napkin on the table.

Sam kept silent for a few minutes until the check arrived. Of course the check had the blonde waitresses' number on it. Dean opened the piece of paper and couldn't hide his half grin. "We might have a new case. A bunch of people are turning violent in a local town called Lakeview in Florida. It's not just that specific town either. The violence seems to be spreading to a few towns outside of there too." Sam explained. "Many are going after each other with knives and axes. Several people have been killed already."

"You know I'm surprised that you were even able to get wifi here. I mean we're pretty much in the middle of nowhere." Dean said as he opened his wallet and put down twenty five dollars for the check. Sam slammed his laptop closed. "Stop deflecting Dean, We have a serious case to work here. We should probably head down there after we leave here as soon as possible." "Calm down Sammy, so a few people went batshit. It's probably due to all all the heat and humidity down there. I would go a little crazy too if I was sweating like a pig all the time. Besides, I think the local PD can handle it" Dean said. "I think we should at least go check it out" Sam said as he got up from the table.

"Fine, lets go then" Dean said as he gave the waitress a wave goodbye. Dean and Sam left the diner and went back to their motel room to get some sleep first before heading to Florida.


	3. Regarding Lakeview

Dean and Sam arrived in Lakeview in their full FBI attire the next day. It was a small town. There were a few local spots to hang out, but they were few and far between. Dean pulled into the parking lot of the local police station and got out of the Impala along with Sam.

"It's too damn hot to be wearing these monkey suits" Dean said as he pulled the door open and walked into the station with Sam. Sam glanced over at him and saw the beads of sweat forming on his forehead. "Hopefully this won't take too long" Sam said as he adjusted his dark blue tie. Sam was beginning to sweat as well. It was stifling hot inside and almost unbearable. There were several floor fans set on high scattered around the station.

"May I help you?" The older man said behind the desk. 

"May we speak to your police chief?" Sam said as they both flashed their fake FBI badges. 

"Sure" he said as he shifted his eyes between them. " I'll go get him" he said sounding apprehensive. "Thanks" Sam said.

He got up and walked to the back of the station. A few minutes later the police chief walked to the front of the station and approached them. He was a very large built man and closer to Sam's height than Dean's. He looked scruffy and like he hadn't slept in ages. 

"For God's sake take off your jackets!" he said with his gruff voice as he began to shake their hands. They quickly complied and placed their jackets on the coat hanger by the door. " I know you boys are all about policy, but Jesus Christ it's 100 degrees in here! I don't need anybody passing out on me. I already have enough to deal with" he said as he adjusted his belt over his large stomach. "Why don't you boys follow me to my office?" They let the man take the lead and followed him into his office. It was a rather large office. The chief had several trinkets including a Rubik's cube displayed across his old desk. "Well, have a seat" he said as he motioned for them to sit in the the two leather chairs across from his desk. They sat down, the chief went behind his desk and did the same. "So I bet I know why you boys are here, but why don't you tell me anyway" he said as he grabbed a toothpick off his desk and started chewing on it. 

"Well, our director sent us to checkout several suspicious murders down here. I know we are technically out of our district, but we figured we might as well see about them anyway in case you needed extra help" Sam explained. He looked on the chief's desk and read his name plate "Do you mind telling us what's going on Chief Sanders?" Sam asked. 

"You are pretty observant kid" he said with a low chuckle as he took the toothpick out of his mouth. He slid his chair back and reached down to his bottom desk drawer to pullout a large tan folder. "These are just the local cases from the past couple of weeks, as you can see I have my hands full" he said as he gave the file to Sam. "Most of the people in this file were considered to be upstanding citizens until they went on a crazy murderous rampage. Something triggered a changed in their personality for sure, but we don't know what yet. We even called the CDC to come down here to investigate the possibility of an outbreak of some sort of virus, but they haven't found anything yet to report on" he explained. 

Sam pulled out several colored photos of the victims. The victims were completely naked and were killed in a very violent manner. It almost made him sick and the heat didn't make him feel any better. He could see the entrails of most of the victims hanging out of their bodies in the photos along with their severely mangled faces. He quickly showed Dean the photos. Dean looked at him in shock and disgust. They were both quickly turning pale and at a loss for words. They had spent several years hunting together, but nothing had prepared them for seeing this.

"I have another copy of the file that you can take with you" the chief said quickly as he held out his hand to take the file back from Sam. "I don't want you boys barfing on my nice new carpet" he said. Sam gave the file back to him. "Thanks" Sam said as he pulled the chair back and stood up, Dean did the same. They both gave the chief a quick handshake and headed for the front of the station with him. 

"Larry, will you quickly make a copy of this file for these boys so they can get out of this hell hole?" the chief said as he handed the file to the secretary. 

"Sure" he said as he grabbed the file and walked over to the copy machine. He carefully copied each page and put the pages in a separate red folder. "Here you go" he said and handed the file to Sam. 

"Thanks" Sam said. The secretary gave him a quick nod and went back to typing on his computer. 

"Let me know if you boys find anything of import. Maybe we will have the A\C fixed soon" the chief said with a chuckle. "Here is my card. Call if you have any questions. Everything should be in the file" he said and handed Sam a small business card. "We will" Sam said. They both turned to grab their jackets off the coat hooks and opened the door to walk back to the Impala.


	4. Strange Symbols

Sam and Dean got in the Impala and drove to a small motel outside of town with the red file in tote. The motel was run down and looked like something straight out of the Hitchcock movie Psycho. The owner didn't even pave the parking lot. Dean stirred up a dirt cloud when he pulled the Impala next to the front office of the motel. Dean put the vehicle in park and got out while Sam waited in the car. Dean pulled open the door and walked up to the desk. He looked around and saw the aged flower wallpaper pealing off around the corners of the walls. The motel must have been built in the 70s judging from the shag carpeting and the archaic furniture he thought to himself. He rang the little silver bell on the desk and waited for a reply. 

"Hold on!" A voice shouted from the back. "Let me move these boxes and I'll be up there in a minute." 

"Ok" Dean replied back. 

A few moments a short man walked though a mesh curtain to the front desk. He looked to be in his late 50s. "Two queen beds for the night" Dean said. The man turned around and pulled a gold key off a hook. "You'll be in room 14 and that will be 40 bucks" he said and reached out his hand for payment. Dean pulled out his wallet and paid the man. 

Dean turned around and went back to the Impala to get Sam. Sam grabbed the file and walked with Dean to their room. Dean put the old gold key in the door and opened it. The room they were staying in didn't look much better than the front office, but it was a room with beds and A/C. That's all that really mattered to them. Dean sat down at a wooden table by the two beds and tossed his keys on it. Sam sat beside him and started opening the file.

"This is really disturbing, even for us" Sam said as he flipped through the file. He was more prepared this time to see the gruesome photos. "I mean what the hell happened here Dean?" Sam said with his voice slightly raised. Dean stayed silent. Sam studied the file and the crime scene photos over throughly. "Look at this" Sam said as he handed the photos over to Dean. "Tell me if anything looks strange to you." 

"You mean besides the fact that these people had their guts ripped out?" Dean said with a grimace on his face. 

"Look at their right shoulders" Sam said. Dean stared at the photos for a bit with his brow furrowed. "I don't see anything Sammy" Dean said as he started to hand the photos back to Sam, but he refused to take the photos back. "Look closer Dean" Sam said as he crossed his arms.

Dean finally saw what Sam was talking about. There were two small symbols burned into the flesh of the victims' shoulders. They were barely noticeable. "What the hell is that?" Dean asked with confusion in his voice. 

"I'm not sure, but I don't think they are Enochian symbols" Sam said as he got up from his chair and turned back to Dean. "I think you should call Cas."

"Why? Can't you figure this shit out yourself? I mean you are the brains of this operation anyway" Dean said sounding vexed. 

"I wouldn't even know what books I needed to even begin looking for those strange symbols. Maybe Cas would give us some sort of idea what they mean" Sam said. 

"Im not calling him. Besides I'm sure he has more important things to deal with in heaven" Dean said and began rubbing his neck. Sam just gave him a look that Dean knew all too well. Dean let out a sigh and finally caved in to Sam's demands. "Alright fine, but why do I always have to call him? You can just as easily prey to him" Dean asked.

"He trusts you Dean and he said one time you two share a bond or something" Sam said and grabbed the keys off the table 

"Wait! Where are you going?" Dean asked with a slight panic in his voice as he watched Sam walk towards the door.

"I feel awkward watching you prey so I'm gonna get us some groceries. We might have to stay here for awhile" Sam said simply. He opened the door and walked out to the Impala. Dean heard the engine rumble and saw the vehicle kick up dirt as he drove off. 

'You son of a bitch' Dean thought to himself as he saw Sam speed off, 'Alright I guess I have to do this alone now'. Dean got up and walked over to the bed closest to the door and sat down on the red bedspread. He closed his eyes and bowed his head. " Hey Cas, will you get your feathery ass down here? Sam and I found a case in a small town called Lakeview in Florida. We need you to come look at some things. We are staying in a motel called 'Redwood' in room number 14." Dean said and opened his eyes. As soon as he finished his sentence he heard the rush of wings and he looked up. His green eyes met Cas's deep blues.

"Hello, Dean" Cas said with his usual gruff voice.


	5. Flashback

Dean remembers the first time he met Castiel. Something happened to him that he couldn't explain. He was supposed to be dead. His body and soul were being ripped apart in hell. He remembers crying out in anguish until the very last molecule of his existence was destroyed. Then the pain would resurface after his body was renewed for the 1000th time. The metallic taste of his own blood and the smell of rotting flesh became routine. The demons knew everything about the souls they were torturing. That's what made them so effective at their jobs. They knew what secrets Dean kept hidden and used it to their advantage. The male demons would rip off his clothing and continuously rape him. Tears streamed down his face from the pain. 

"You fucking fag! You like taking this cock up your ass don't you Dean? How do you think your dad would like this? You fucking pussy!" The demons cackled.

He even called out to a God he didn't believe in to help him. 'Please God, Jesus help me! PLEASE!!', he would prey with his eyes tightly shut. All he would hear in reply was the amplification of his cries and echoes of the millions of souls in pain. 

After many years in hell, he became used to the agony. He eventually became completely numb to everything. The demons finally stripped his soul bare. It takes awhile for a soul to break, but when it does then the one being tortured become the torturer. He took pleasure in torturing souls because there was nothing left to make him feel guilt. After all of the years being a slave to the demons, now he was able to give instead of take. They finally made him become the very thing that he hated, the very thing that he would hunt when he was alive. 

He recalled waking up in a pine box in the middle of nowhere with his body completely renewed. He knew something must have brought him back to Earth, but he couldn't imagine what. Somehow he managed to crawl out of his own grave despite feeling extremely weak and parched. He was in shock. 'How could this have happened?' What could have brought me here?' Is this even real?', he thought to himself. The questions were endless and he knew there was only one way to have them answered. 

He finally got up the nerve to summon the being that brought him back. He was nervous and knew whatever it was could put him back in that same grave he crawled out of. He did the summoning in an old abandoned barn at night. It was storming pretty bad. He recalls the branches of the trees by the barn hitting the roof when the wind blew and he was afraid it might collapse on him. However, he wasn't about to turn back now. He was prepared and wasn't about to leave that barn without answers. He brought every kind of weapon he could think of with him even though he knew deep in his mind that they would probably be useless. After all of the years hunting supernatural beings, he knew that this would be different. Despite being terrified he managed to utter the last words of the spell with a trembling voice. He couldn't remember how long it took for the being to show up. Time stood still for a moment. He was on high alert though and prepared for anything. 

The powerful being slammed the barn doors open and walked towards him. He felt the atmosphere in the barn change. It was electric. He shot at it a few times with a shotgun, but it didn't do any good. He knew whatever brought him back must have had nefarious plans for him so he used every weapon he could to try to kill it. Nothing seemed to even scratch it. No being would risk fighting through hell to save someone as pathetic and weak as him, he thought. As the being approached him he felt like it was staring straight into his soul. 

"Who are you? Wha...What do you want?" He stammered out as he grabbed his shotgun again in a panic.

"My name is Castiel. I am an Angel of the Lord. I am the one who gripped you tight and raised you from perdition" the Angel said simply as he grabbed the barrel of his shotgun and lowered it. 

"Right...whatever you're selling I'm not buying" He said cautiously and took a step back.

"What is the matter Dean Winchester? You do not think you deserved to be saved?" The Angel said with his head crooked in utter confusion.

He remembered the way the Cas looked at him. Cas was astonished that he felt unworthy of being rescued. Deep down he knew that he still felt that way. If only the Angel that stood before him now knew the deep hatred he had for himself. If only he knew what secrets he kept buried deep inside his mind, then he might understand why he acted the way he did towards him. Despite everything, the Angel would always faithfully return to him when he preyed. He looked up into his blue eyes.

"Hey Cas" Dean said.


	6. Secret

"What is wrong? Why did you call me here?" Cas asked as he looked down at Dean sitting on the bedspread. 

Dean got up from the bed, gave Cas a quick look and walked over to the wooden table. He pulled out the chair and motioned for Cas to sit down. Dean grabbed the red file off the desk and took the crime photos out. He put the file back on the desk and showed Cas the photos. Cas took the photos and studied them for a long time. He appeared to be unaffected by their repulsive nature. After a while he gave Dean a look of bewilderment.

"What is it Cas?" Dean asked quickly. He had to admit that he was slightly curious to know what the Angel thought. 

"You saw these markings?" Cas asked as he got up from the chair and pointed to the symbols on the victims.

"Yeah, that's why I...um I mean Sam and I called" Dean stated. "Sam thought we might need your help or something. I told him it would be stupid to call you, but he wouldn't listen." Dean said dismissively. 

"Where is Sam now?" Cas asked with a bit of concern in his deep voice. 

Dean grabbed the photos from Cas. "He went to get groceries. Are you gonna tell me what these symbols mean or what?" He asked. His patience was beginning to wear thin. 

"Those symbols are very old, primitive actually. They were used during a time before I became an angel" Cas looked as though he immediately regretted what he had said. "I m-mean before..." The Angel faltered and went back to the wooden chair to sit down again. All of the sudden he appeared to be very anxious, it was like he had revealed a vital secret to Dean that he was supposed to keep well hidden. The Angel looked down at his lap and refused to make eye contact with Dean. He started to fidget with his dark blue tie awkwardly.

Dean's eyes widened in shock. He was completely dumbfounded by Cas' admission. Dean had also never seen the Angel act this way, it through him for a loop. Cas was usually so apathetic. "What do you mean before you became an angel?" He asked. Dean sat down at the table and tried to make eye contact with Cas, the Angel just continued to look down. 

Cas looked up immediately as he heard the door of the motel swing open. Sam stumbled in with a handful of groceries trying not to drop them. Cas got up from his chair and helped the young hunter sit the groceries on the table. "Thanks Cas. Well, what did you guys find out?" Sam asked, his interest was defiantly peaking. 

'Of course the world's biggest cockblocker had to walk in right now when he was about to get Cas to talk' Dean thought to himself. He furrowed his brows in frustration and looked up at Sam. 

"What's wrong?" Sam asked innocently.

Dean was about to to say something something to Sam, but then Cas jumped in. "Nothing is wrong, Sam. We were just talking about the symbols. They appear to be Sumerian cuneiform. The origins of these symbols trace back to early Mesopotamia around 3,000 BC" Cas said quickly. 

"Thanks for the history lesson Cas, but what does that mean for us?" Dean asked cautiously. He was acutely aware of Cas' shift in body language after his little admission. Cas was uncomfortable around him now. He knew he could fly off at any moment. 

"The symbols burned into the victims say 'the Father has returned' " Cas said shuffling around the room.

"What the hell does that mean?" Dean asked.

Cas let out a sigh, " I do not know Dean, I have to return to a meeting I had with Joshua before you called." Cas directed his eyes towards Sam " I am sure you can acquire the information you need now. Perhaps you should interview the acquaintances of the victims. Let me know if you find anything of any significance" Cas said. 

"Cas wait!" Sam said in a panic, but the Angel had already disappeared with the flap of his wings.

"What did you do?" Sam asked as he turned to Dean accusingly. 

"I didn't DO anything Sammy. Why the fuck do you always have to accuse me of doing something huh? It's not like you're some sorta Saint" Dean ranted and let out a breath. "I guess we have to figure this shit out ourselves."

"Well, I believe I can find some information on ancient Sumeria. You should probably go interview relatives of the victims" Sam said calmly. 

"I'm not going anywhere til tomorrow morning, I need my four hours and it's getting late" Dean said as he loosened his blue tie. He started to unbutton his shirt and walked towards the small bathroom. "I'm gonna to take a shower." 

"Fine, but first thing tomorrow you have to start interviewing" Sam said, but Dean didn't hear him. He had already shut the door before Sam even finished his sentence.


	7. Dead in the Water

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for all of the kudos. It really encourages my to write more.

The next morning Dean awoke to the sound of Sam closing the motel door. He groaned, turned over and buried his head deep into the firm pillow. 

"Coffee!" Sam said as loud as he could. Dean barely acknowledged him with a groan, he just took the pillow and put it over his head. He tried to block out Sam's booming voice, but Sam was determined to waken him. Sam put the coffee carrier on the table and walked over to his bed, he grabbed his pillow and lobbed it at Dean.

"What the hell man?!" Dean shouted. 

"It's almost 9 o'clock. You need to get up and get ready" Sam said. He sat down at the table and sipped his latte while he looked the cases over.

Dean finally managed to sit up in bed and rubbed his eyes. "Fine" Dean said with a grumble. He took off his gray shirt, walked towards the bathroom to brush his teeth and wash his face. He slicked back his dark blonde hair, a few minutes later he changed into his FBI suit. This time he decided to put on a black tie. He quickly tied it and walked over to the table where Sam was sitting and grabbed his large coffee. 

"I would start with this woman, her name was Christie Barker. She was a 30 year old lab tech. According to witnesses, she walked into a gas station one evening, started stabbing a couple of customers with a knife and...well, you've seen the photos. The cashier called the cops soon after she speed off in her jeep. They found her dead in her home. Her body looks the same as the victims she stabbed" Sam said as he showed Dean the photo of the young woman. 

"Great" Dean said sarcastically. 

"You should probably go to Lakeview Hospital and interview her coworkers" Sam said. "I will stay and look over info about ancient Sumeria." He got up and walked over to the duffle beside Dean's bed and got out his laptop. 

"Fine. You got an address?" Dean asked.

"Yeah, hold on" Sam said as he walked back over to the table with his laptop in tow. He sat his laptop on the table and tore off a piece of paper from the notepad on the table. He wrote the address down with a small red pen. "Here" Sam handed Dean the small piece of paper and sat down again. 

"Alright, I'll let you know if I find anything" Dean said as he grabbed the keys off the table. Sam immediately opened his laptop and turned it on. "Hey, you might wanna take this file too" Sam looked over at him and handed Dean the file. 

Dean left the motel and drove over to the hospital. It was only a few miles from the motel. He pulled into a parking place in front of the main entrance. It looked like they were beginning to remodel. The outside of the ER was completely closed off, there was a huge tarp covering the entrance and a concrete mixer right beside it. He saw several construction workers busily walking back and forth with various tools in hand. He got out of the impala and walked inside. The lobby was surprisingly large and had a vaulted ceiling. 'The hospital looked much smaller outside' Dean thought to himself as he walked up to the information desk. 

"May I help you?" The young woman said as she hung up the phone. 

Dean reached in his side pocket of his jacket and held up his badge. "May I speak to the laboratory manager?" Dean said as he put up his badge. 

"Sure, just have a seat and I will call her" She said and picked up the phone. 

Dean walked over to small waiting area beside the lobby and sat down in a cloth chair. He picked up a magazine off the glass table and started flipping through it mindlessly until an older woman approached him in a tan pantsuit. She tucked her short gray hair behind her ears before shaking Dean's hand. 

"Hi, my name is Sandra Bishop. I'm the lab manager here. Follow me to my office" she said as she let go of Dean's hand. 

Dean followed close behind her, his eyes wondered around the building curiously. It took quite a while to get to her office. He had to dodge a few busy nurses and janitors on the way. The woman swiped her badge and walked in. The lab was sizable and had various instruments running. Honestly, he never really thought about what happened to his blood when it was drawn at the doctor's office. He always thought that the doctor just looked at his blood under a microscope or something. 

Dean walked into her small office. She closed the door and sat down behind her desk. She had a few pictures of what Dean assumed was her family on it. He sat down in the brown chair across from it. 

"What can I help you with?" she asked. "We are somewhat busy and I would like for us just to get down to business". 

"Well, it's about one of your employees named Christie Barker. She was killed several days ago and..." The older woman cut him off before Dean could even finish his sentence. 

"Yes, I know. That's why we are so busy today. I'm trying to get a replacement, but no such luck" she said and let out a sigh. 

"What was she like? Did she get along with her coworkers? Did she cause any problems?" Dean asked. 

"Not that I'm aware of. I mean she kept to herself a lot, but most techs do. That's why we work in the lab and not on the floor giving patient care." She stated. "She was friendly enough though. I usually stayed in my office most of the time. You can talk to one of her coworkers on break now if you want. Just walk out of my office and turn right. The break room is right down the hall. Is that is all you need then? I have an interview set up an applicant at 11". 

"Ok" Dean said and walked out of her office and down the hall to small break room. He saw a guy in blue scrubs sitting at a table eating a Snickers bar. "Hi, did you work with Christie Barker?" Dean asked as he sat down across from the guy. 

"Yeah, why?" The guy asked.

"I was wondering if I can ask you a few questions about her" Dean said as he reached in his jacket and flashed him the badge for the second time. 

"I guess" the guy said. 

"Did you have any issues working with her? Did she have any violent tendencies while working? Any changes in personality?" Dean asked.

"Not really. She was a nice woman, it's a shame what happened to her" the guy looked at Dean with a melancholic expression on his face. "I enjoyed working with her. I mean we weren't really close, but we enjoyed each others company while we were at work. She was a little hard to get to know though and had very few friends. She was really an introvert." 

"Boyfriend or husband?" Dean asked. 

"No, I mean she dated on and off, but it was nothing serious. She would talk about her dates with me sometimes. They never lead up to anything though. She was so shy." He said. 

"Ok. Thanks...what was your name?" Dean asked. "Paul" the guy said and shook Dean's outstretched hand after Dean stood up. 

"Thanks, Paul" Dean said and turned to walk out of the break room. 

'What a waste of time, I could have slept in' Dean thought to himself as he walked out of the maze of hallways back to the impala. Dean got in and reached in his back pocket to pull out his cellphone. He dialed Sam. It rang a few times, then Sam answered. 

"What did you find?" Sam asked quickly.

"I found out that I could have slept in longer. The woman was basically a nun" Dean said. "You?"

"You should probably head back here ASAP" Sam said.


	8. Call Cas

"What's wrong?" Dean asked, but the call dropped.

A million things were going through Dean's mind on the way back to the motel. He sped through town, until he pulled up to the motel. He got out of the impala and ran up to their room. He knocked on the red door, but he didn't get a response from Sam.

"Sam!" Dean yelled outside of the door. He tried to peek into the window, but he couldn't see anything though the old tan curtains. Finally, Sam opened the door.

"Why the hell didn't you open the door?" Dean asked immediately. 

"I was in the bathroom" Sam said with his brow scrunched in confusion. 

Dean let out a sigh of relief, but still looked visibly pissed off. He stepped into the motel and Sam closed the door after him. 

"I thought you were in deep shit. You said for me me to head over here ASAP, then the call dropped" Dean said. He sat down on his bed and started rubbing his eyes.

"Sorry, but AT&T sucks. I couldn't pick up another signal so I tried the landline. It rang several times. You didn't hear it?" Sam asked.

"No" Dean stated.

"Let me see your phone." 

Dean reached in his side pocket and pulled out his old flip phone. Sam grabbed it from him, flipped it open and looked at the tiny screen. 

"You had your phone on silent, idiot" Sam said with a smug grin. Dean grabbed the phone back and shoved it back in his pocket. His cheeks visibly turned bright red in anger and humiliation.

"Well, what is it then?" Dean asked with a slight edge to his voice. "Why did I need to come over here ASAP?"

Sam walked over to the small table, opened his laptop and sat down. "I researched ancient Mesopotamia and I know what Cas' interpretation of the symbols meant" Sam said as he pulled up a page on his laptop about Sumerian gods. "Cas was referring to the ancient God Anu, he was known as the "Sky Father" according to the Sumerian religion. He was given the power to judge those that committed crimes, those that he found guilty were punished severely" Sam said. 

"Well, Christie Barker was pretty much a saint according to her coworker and boss. I couldn't find any dirt on her" Dean said. 

"You should call Cas again and give him an update on our situation" Sam said and shut his laptop.

"You must have a crush on the Angel...or I should say the NOW Angel." Dean got up and walked over to the kitchen area looking for a few beers. 

"What do you mean?" Sam asked.

"Cas wasn't always an angel" Dean said and reached into the old squeaky blue fridge to grab two bottles of beer. He walked back over to Sam, handed him one and sat down across from him.

"You mean figuratively?" Sam asked in confusion. 

"No, I mean literally. He told me when you left to get groceries" Dean said and twisted open his beer to take a swig. 

"That doesn't make sense" Sam looked completely puzzled.

"Kinda like this case" Dean said in response. 

"You should try talk to him about it Dean. He seemed pretty upset when he left. He might also have some info we can use for the case" Sam said as he sipped his barely cold beer.

"I don't think he will want talk to me again, besides he said to call him only if we found anything of any significance on the case. All we have is the name of that Ano guy" Dean said. 

"It's Anu, and I think it's a start" Sam said with annoyance. "I also read that there were many shines made to this God in Mesopotamia back in ancient times."

"So you think there is some sort of cult worshiping this guy?" Dean asked. He polished off the last of his beer and sat the bottle on the table.

"I don't know, but I think we should look at the possible links to these deaths. It's gonna take a while. Hopefully, we can solve it as soon as possible so no one else is killed. Call Cas and let me know what he says. I'm going to a town outside of here called Glenland. There were a few suspicious deaths there as well. I may have to stay the night" Sam said. 

"Really?" Dean asked in disbelief as he got up from his chair.

"I told you there were a few towns outside of here that were affected too" Sam said

"You're taking Baby?" Dean asked with apprehension in his voice.

"I called a cab from the phone book on the night stand. He would be here shortly. We need to cover as much ground as possible so we can solve this quickly. I will leave you the notes I wrote on Anu, They're on the nightstand". He sat his half empty beer on the table and walked over to the duffle to grab a few clothes out of it along with his suit. 

"Jesus...you are more flighty than Cas" Dean said and sat down on his bed. 

"I will be back soon. I will call from the landline this time to check in" Sam said. He knew the cab would be pulling up at any moment. He could tell Dean was a little nervous about him leaving. Dean was giving him a look that was reminiscent of the time he left to go off to college. "I will be back tomorrow, don't worry" He said and gave his brother a pat on the shoulder. He put his clothes and laptop into one of the grocery bags he saved when they first got there. He then threw the suit over his forearm. The cab honked loudly outside of their room. He gave one last nod of assurance to Dean, then walked out of the room with his suit and bag in tow. Dean pulled open the tan curtains. He saw Sam get in the cab and leave in a cloud of dirt. He was alone again with no one to keep him company, but Cas. 

He started pacing the room anxiously and then remembered that he left the file in the impala. He walked out in the scorching heat to retrieve it, then came back into the room and haphazardly tossed it on his bed. He knew that he should call Cas, but he was unsure if the Angel would even respond after he revealed his big secret. However, he was somewhat curious to know what the Angel meant. He always thought Angels were eternal beings and wondered what else Cas hid from him. 

He sat on the bed and preyed for the Angel to come to him. It took a bit longer than was expected for Cas to show up. He was afraid for a moment that he wouldn't even show up, but he eventually heard the unmistakable flap of large wings. 

"Hello Dean"

Dean looked up and saw the Angel standing near the tiny kitchen area. He always stood in his personal space, but not this time. It was almost like the Angel was afraid of even being around him. 

"Why are you standing all the way over there?" Dean asked.

"I...why did you call me here Dean?" Cas said with his arms crossed across his chest. 

"Why don't you come over here and I will tell you" Dean said, trying to bribe him. 

The Angel walked hesitantly over to Dean, still crossing his arms. "What is it Dean?" Cas mumbled. 

"We need to talk"


	9. Enlighten Me

Cas looked at Dean with widened eyes. "What do you mean?" The Angel asked, trying to play dumb.

"Oh, I think you know exactly what I mean" Dean said. 

"What have you found on the case?" Cas asked, trying to change the subject. 

"Nope, you can't change the subject on me Cas. I can wait here all evening and night until you tell me" Dean said smugly. 

He could truly wait there all night if he had to, there was no doubt in his mind that he could. He was the world's stubbornest person and Cas wasn't going to take that title from him. He rememberers holding his breath until his face turned blue when he didn't get his way as a child. He wasn't going to break now and when Cas looked into his green eyes he knew he wouldn't as well.

"Dean..." Cas said then stayed silent for bit. 

"Go ahead Cas" Dean said and got up to sit at the table. He motioned for Cas to sit down across from him. Cas dropped his arms and walked over to sit down. He bowed his head and started to fiddle with his blue tie again. Dean could tell he was apprehensive about telling him more, but he badly wanted to know the rest of Cas' secret.

"Humans are not supposed to know" he mumbled under his breath. "I should not have told you as much as I did. I am sorry, Dean." 

"Well, I already know now so you might as well elaborate" Dean said.

Cas finally looked up and met Dean's eyes. "You would not understand if I told you."

"Try me" Dean said daringly. 

Cas let out a breath "You will not let this go will you?" 

"Nope" Dean said in response. 

"I suppose might as well tell you, since you will forget what I said in your next life anyway" Cas said reluctantly. 

"What do you mean?" Dean asked, sounding confused.

"You have lived several lives before the one you are experiencing now. Almost every human being on earth has lived previous lives, except for the new souls that have been created by God."

"What the hell are you talking about Cas?" Dean said, trying to rap his mind around what Cas just said. 

"Perhaps we should discuss the case instead" Cas said. 

"Oh no, you don't get off the hook that easy" Dean said. He was definitely determined to find the truth one way or another. "Just tell me everything you know."

Cas actually chuckled at that. "I do not think you realize how long that would take." 

"You know what I mean Cas" Dean said with a huff. 

Cas then started to rub the back of his neck. Dean was taken aback again by the angel's humanlike mannerisms. There was no doubt in his mind that Cas had changed since the first time he met him in that old barn. He definitely started to mimic some of Dean's traits. He really couldn't tell at this point if it for the better or worse. 

"You are the most obstinate human I have ever encountered" Cas said.

"You're damn right I am" Dean said with a smirk. Dean could see the faint trace of a grin forming on Cas' face. 

"I was human before I became an angel. My soul was reincarnated many times before God made me into an angel. You will also become an angel someday, but you are a fairly new soul. It will take you significantly longer for you to reach nirvana. You have only lived seven lives before the one you are living now" Cas said, focusing his gaze intently on Dean.

"I have no idea what you are taking about Cas. That doesn't make any sense. How could I have been reincarnated? I don't remember living previous lives" Dean said and leaned back in his chair completely baffled. He then lifted his hand and started to rub his face. He had no clue that the conversation would end up here. 

"Of course you do not remember, no soul does. You may have had some indication when you were a child because the veil was thin, but as you become an adult that memory fades. God does not allow for souls to remember their previous lives" Cas said.

"So you're saying God used a neurolyzer on my soul? Like in Men in Black?" Dean asked.

"I do not understand that reference" Cas said as he scrunched his brows and tilted his head. 

"Wait...if reincarnation exists then why was I in hell?" 

"You were temporarily in hell. Not every soul that enters hell permanently stays there. Even if I did not save you, God would have eventually put your soul back on earth" Cas said calmly.

"So you are saying that hell is some sort of pit stop before souls are reborn?" Dean asked.

"Essentially yes. Heaven is a "pit stop" too I suppose" Cas said using air quotes. 

"Why doesn't God just send the souls back to earth instead of keeping them in heaven or hell for awhile?" Dean asked, trying to understand what was being said to him.

"I may be an enlightened Angel, but I am not God. I can not speak for him, Dean" Cas said.

"I..um...this is a lot to process" Dean said, completely confounded. Dean fell silent for a while, but he had more questions than answers now. He really didn't know where to begin. He then remembered Cas saying that he would become an angel. 

"What did you mean when you said I will become an angel?" Dean asked.

"The souls that God put on earth are given the opportunity to spiritually grow and to learn lessons in life. Every new soul that God created started out oblivious to the world around them, just like my soul was. It will take time, but eventually you will experience everything a human can experience on earth. You will be able to reach nirvana and you will know no bounds to your knowledge. When you reach this state, God will make you into an angel in order to keep watch over the souls that are lost in their paths" Cas said and gave Dean a look of sincerely.

Dean was completely flabbergasted and didn't know what else to say to Cas. He sat there slack jawed for several minutes before Cas responded. 

"I understand that this new knowledge is overwhelming to you, but perhaps we should discuss the case now" 

"Umm...yeah" Dean said after he realized he zoned out for a bit.


	10. What did you do?!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry I haven't posted in awhile. I just recently moved and it has been a bit of an adjustment. I hope this chapter makes up for lost time. Thanks again for all of the kudos and support. It really means a lot :)

The phone suddenly rang on the tiny nightstand beside the two beds. Dean jumped up and held the phone up to his ear.

Dean cleared his throat and answered with a grumble, "Yeah?"

"Yeah, Cas is here" Dean said and turned his head to look at Cas. He started making a motion with his hands and rolled his eyes. Cas knew that this meant that Sam was being a little too chatty for Dean's taste. 

"Well, you know everything is sunshine and flowers over here" Dean said. 

"Enough already, Sammy! I will let you know as soon as we find something."

"Bye" Dean said and hung up the tan phone. 

"Sam said "hi" by the way" Dean said to Cas and sat down on the bed closest to the door. 

"Where is Sam?" Cas asked. 

"In a town called Glenland. It's just a few miles from here. He should be back sometime tomorrow" Dean said and stared to rub his eyes. It was getting late and his exhaustion was beginning to show on his face. His stomach was also beginning to rumble with hunger. 

"Dean, if you require sleep then perhaps we should discuss the case after you rest and consume food" Cas said.

"You know for a former human, you sure do act like robot" Dean said

"I have not been human for a long time Dean" Cas said and disappeared with the flap of his wings. 

"What th...?" Cas returned quickly before Dean even finished his sentence. He held two large brown bags with grease spots leaking through them. 

"I have obtained food for you Dean" Cas said and placed the bags on the table. 

"Did you steal it?" Dean asked. He was unsure if Cas remembered that you can't just take things without paying for them. 

"I have money in my vessel's wallet" Cas said. Dean walked over to the table and sat down. Cas sat down across from him. 

Dean ripped open the bags and got out the hamburger and fries. He was unsure if Cas taking money from his vessel's wallet counted as stealing, but he was too hungry to care at that point. He started scarfing down the food right away. He nearly choked, but Cas got up and got a beer from the fridge. He then handed it to Dean. 

"So you don't remember anything from being human?" Dean asked with his mouth full.

"I remember all the lives I lived before I became an angel, however it has been a very long time since I communicated with a human. I apologize if I speak differently." Cas looked like he was thinking about the times he spent as a human and held a since of melancholy in his deep blue eyes. 

"Do you remember any um...you know sensations?" Dean said and a pink hue crept up to his cheeks. He really didn't mean for his question to come out that way. 'I should have worded that differently', Dean thought to himself. 

"I do not remember the sensations I felt as a human, I just recall the memories I had" Cas said. "I remember consuming food, but I can not remember what it tasted like. I just taste molecules now." 

Dean didn't know how to respond to that, so he just finished his food and got up to put the bags in the garbage by the fridge. 

"Sam left some notes on the case before he left, they're on the nightstand. You should look them over while I take a shower and maybe you should take them to read in the library or something" Dean said. He grabbed his boxers and white T-shirt from the duffle and turned to Cas. 

"Why?" Cas asked. 

"Because I need a shower and sleep" Dean said and headed for the tiny bathroom. 

"I can watch over you Dean" Cas said earnestly. 

"That's not gonna happen. It's fucking creepy" Dean said with his voice slightly raised. 

"But I can protect you Dean" Cas said.

"Fine" Dean said and closed the door to the bathroom. He was really too tired to argue with the Angel at that point. 

The pipes started to make noise when he turned on the water. The motel really needed to update their plumbing. He let the water warm up for awhile as he took off his clothes. He stepped into the tub and pulled down the faucet to turn on the shower head. As the warm water hit his back, he began to think about Cas and what experiences he went through as a human. Cas looked somewhat distraught when he asked him about his past. He grabbed the bar of Irish Spring soap and started to lather up his body. He then started to wonder if Cas had sexual experiences as a human. Was he always a guy or did he experience life as a female too? The questions kept popping up in his head. His right hand started to wonder south out of its own accord. His skin turned flush and his dick began to harden under the warm water. He began to mindlessly stroke it. Cas always seemed generous to Dean. He wondered if he was like that in bed. His hand began to speed up on his veiny dick and a tiny whimper escaped his mouth. He bit his lip trying to keep his vocalizations of pleasure to a minimum. 'Fuck Cas' Dean whispered under his breath as he came on the blue tile of the shower. Before he even realized what he did, he began to rinse off the spurts of come. 'Fuck!' He thought. 'What the hell did I just do?!' He turned the water off and stepped out of the shower. The mirror above the sink was fogged over from the steam. He wiped off the condensation and starred at himself. He grabbed a towel that was folded up on the back of the toilet and dried himself off. He picked up his pants off the bathroom floor and got out the small pocket knife he kept in his back pocket. He opened up the knife and began to cut into his abdomen in the same spot. The sting of the knife cutting his flesh stopped him from thinking about what just happened. He just felt the pain overtake him. He ripped off the toilet paper and put pressure over the wound until the bleeding stopped. He cleaned the bloody knife off in the sink and put it back in his pants. He flushed the tissue he used and made sure no evidence of what he did was left behind. He put on his stripped green boxers and white T-shirt. He walked out of the bathroom with his old clothes in his hands and placed them on the bed by the bathroom. He then turned to look at Cas.

"Dean I read the notes your brother wrote on Anu and...." Cas stopped himself mid sentence when he looked at Dean's once white shirt. Blood had seeped its way through the white cotton. "What did you do?!" Cas responded in anger. 

Dean looked down and realized he should have held that tissue there a little longer. 'Fuck!' Dean thought to himself as he met Cas' eyes.


	11. Nightmares

"What did you do Dean?!" Cas repeated. He walked over to Dean and tried to lift his bloody shirt up. 

Dean pushed his arm away, "Don't fucking worry about it Cas!" Dean yelled and backed away from the Angel. 

"You did not have that wound when you went into the bathroom" Cas explained, "There was nothing in that bathroom that would have caused that injury." 

"I told you not to worry about it didn't I?!" Dean shouted. He scrambled back to the bathroom and slammed the door. He pulled his shirt up. He winced because the blood had already partially dried and it pulled at his skin. He took his shirt off the rest of the way and ran it under the cold tap from the tiny porcelain sink. He then used the portion of the shirt that wasn't bloody to clean off his wound. The shirt was completely ruined so he tossed it in the wicker bin by the toilet. 

He heard a faint knock on the wooden door to the bathroom. "Dean, let me heal you" Cas said quietly through the door.

Dean gripped both sides of the sink and bowed his head. His eyes began to sting as he looked up into the mirror. Tears were on the verge of falling from his green eyes. 

"Dean" Cas called again, "Please open the door." 

Dean stayed silent for awhile. He took a deep breath and tried to hide the evidence of sadness in his eyes before he opened the door. 

When he finally emerged from the bathroom, Cas' eyes looked straight at the deep gash on his abdomen. The blood was gone, but the wound looked inflamed. 

"Why would you do this?" Cas asked as he looked up at Dean. His eyes were full of confusion. 

Dean shifted his eyes from Cas and walked over to the bed by the door, trying to stay as far away from the Angel as he could. The Angel walked over to him silently demanding an answer with his actions. 

Dean sat down on the old squeaky mattress and put his head in his hands. He began to rub his eyes. Cas tried to touch him, but he flinched away.

"Don't touch me! I don't need your help! I don't need you to heal me!" Dean then let out a deep sigh after a few minutes. He was getting tired of yelling. "Just forget about what happened. We have a case to solve and worrying about me won't get us any closer to solving it" Dean said.

Cas knew what he said was true, but he couldn't help being uneasy about the whole situation. He really couldn't think of anything to say to his friend to comfort him, so he stayed silent. He remembered cutting himself in a past life. His wife left him after cheating on him and he fell into a deep depression. He committed suicide soon after that. He recalled the memories, but he couldn't fully remember the emotions he felt back then. He just knew he needed to watch over Dean to make sure he didn't try to harm himself again. 

"Just let me sleep for a couple of hours and then we can discuss the case" Dean said and pulled the covers over his head. 

Cas turned off the tiny lamp on the nightstand and watched as Dean drifted off into a restless sleep. The Angel began to think about what could have caused Dean to injury himself. Even though Cas was in hell briefly, he knew Dean suffered greatly in hell and he began to wonder if Dean still harbored some of those painful memories of his soul being tortured. Dean began to toss and turn on the old spring mattress. It became apparent to Cas that Dean was having nightmares. He really wanted to peak into Dean's sleeping mind to see for himself what exactly was causing him so much anguish. He remembers Dean repeatedly telling him no to pry into his mind because it was rude, but he really wanted to understand what was happening to his friend. When Dean stilled for a moment, Cas walked over and placed two fingers on top of Dean's sweaty forehead. Cas closed his eyes and with a flash he began to see what Dean was dreaming about. He finally began to see hell from Dean's perspective. The demons were violently tearing at his friend's flesh and continuously raping him. His vessel was beginning to react to what he was seeing. The images of his friend being tortured were shocking and too much for him to handle. He quickly removed his fingers from Dean's forehead. He used his grace to calm Dean's mind with a brief touch before he ran to the bathroom to gag. He had no idea why his vessel was reacting this way. He felt nothing, but perhaps it was common for humans to behave this way. He couldn't remember. When he returned, Dean was sleeping peacefully. He walked over to the table and sat down. He now knew what was really going on.


	12. Skeletons in the Closet

Dean awakened the next morning to the sun shining brightly through the old curtains. He pulled the covers off of himself, rubbed his face and groaned. He looked over at the table and was not really surprised to see Cas starring right at him. Dean knew it was wrong to keep him in the dark about what was going on because of the major secret Cas revealed to him, but this was different. He would be exposing himself to Cas in a way that he never has before and he really wasn't ready for that. He wanted to still keep every feeling he had buried, but little did he know that Cas already knew what he had experienced in hell. Dean's memory of the nightmare however was completely erased as soon as Cas touched him with his grace. Cas didn't forget though and he kept his eyes set on Dean. Dean sat up on the side of the bed and stretched his arms above his head. 

"Why didn't you wake me?" Dean questioned as he stood up. 

"You needed to rest" Cas stated. 

Dean let out a breath and started to walk to the bathroom. Cas suddenly flew in front of Dean to stop him.

"Get out of my way Cas." He stepped to the side to let Cas move from the doorway.

Cas turned his head to look at Dean and stood firm, "No" 

"I mean it Cas, I have to piss." He tried to push the Angel out of the way without success.

"I am coming in the bathroom with you" Cas stated. 

"No you're not. Look Cas, I'm not going to...just let me piss ok?" Dean huffed. When he looked at Cas he knew he wasn't going to budge. 

Dean tried to compromise with the Angel, "I will just leave the door open then, just don't look at me."

"Ok Dean" Cas said as he moved away from the door. 

Dean relived himself and walked out of the bathroom. He grabbed some old torn jeans and a red t-shirt from the duffle. They were not his normal attire, but it was way too hot to be wearing flannel layers. 

"So what were you gonna tell me last night about the case?" Dean asked.

Cas really didn't want to discuss the case, especially after what happened. He knew that they had to get to the bottom of what was going on though. 

"Anu was known to have many cults in ancient Mesopotamia" Cas said as he looked back over Sam's notes, "Anu was often seen as a supreme deity in ancient civilizations and it was often believed if humans did his bidding then he would reward them with immortality." 

"Sam said that Anu or whatever had the power to judge people that he found guilty of committing crimes, but I couldn't find any shit on Christie Barker" Dean explained.

"Perhaps she was not as innocent as she seemed. Did you visit he home where she was found?" 

"Not yet" Dean responded. 

"Then we should go to her house. I believe her address was in the file" Cas said. He grabbed the file and handed it over to Dean. 

Dean picked up the keys off the table and walked out of the motel with the file. Cas wasn't far behind him. They both got in the impala and sped off. The house wasn't too difficult for them find. Just a few miles from the hospital, they saw the road to turn off of to go to the house. When they pulled up to the house on the gravel road, a few pit bulls approached the car. They were barking and biting at the tires, but it didn't take long for them to scammer off. Dean figured Cas used his mojo to make them disappear. They both got out of the impala. Yellow tape still surrounded the brick house and several windows were boarded up. Cas touched Dean's shoulder and they flew into the house. It was dark inside so Dean flipped a switch by the door, but of course it didn't work. Cas used his mojo once again to make the electricity work so they could see. Dean looked at the Angel and gave a half grin. He could never get use to Cas' Angel powers. It reminded him of when he did magic tricks for Sammy when they were kids. They started to look around the old house for any clues. There was still a few spots of blood left on the tile floor of the kitchen where he assumed Christie had died. They walked down the corridor to the master bedroom at the end of the hallway. Cas began looking through the dresser draws and piling the clothes on the floor. Dean walked over to the closet and pulled it open. There wasn't much in it except wire hangers and a few pairs of scrubs. Dean looked up and saw an old worn out jewelry box with faded red roses on it. He reached up and pulled it down from the shelf. He opened it and saw a bunch of cheap jewelry pieces in it. He pulled out all the pieces until the box was empty or so he thought. The box had a secret compartment in it, Dean could tell from the old cloth string sticking up. He pulled it open and was astounded by what he saw.


	13. Not That Innocent

When Dean looked under the secret compartment, he saw a tiny piece of paper with the names of the victims she murdered at the gas station burned into the paper. The same Sumerian symbol was also burned into bottom of the page. Dean took the paper out, under it he found a small vile of blood. 

"Look at this" Dean said and showed Cas the piece of paper. 

Cas took the paper from Dean and studied it. He then handed it back to Dean.

"There is a small vile of blood in here too" Dean said. He stood up and took it out of the box to show Cas. 

"What do you suppose it means?" Dean asked.

"She most likely made a pact with Anu" Cas responded. 

"Well no shit Cas, but why is she dead?" Dean asked with an exasperated tone. 

"Humans have a tendency to hide guilt. Perhaps she was keeping a secret so long that she finally convinced herself that whatever she did wasn't her fault, but it obviously came to surface" Cas said directing his gaze at Dean. It was almost like Cas was starring directly into Dean's soul, this caused Dean to shift side to side uncomfortably. 

"Well, whatever she did then we should find it here" Dean said. 

"Did she have family?" Cas asked. 

"Not that I'm aware of. I interviewed her coworkers, but they said she was a hermit." Dean responded. 

"I see, well we should continue to look around here" Cas said as he bent down to look under the bed. He then lifted the large mattress up to look under it and found a tiny baby blue diary. He grabbed it and let the spring mattress fall back into place with a cloud of dust. The diary had a silver lock on it, but it was removed with little effort by Cas. He flipped through the pages, most of the entries were general descriptions of everyday mundane events. However, several pages were torn out at the end. Cas suddenly furrowed his brow. 

"What is it Cas?" Dean asked. Cas held up the diary and Dean could see where the pages were torn out. Dean knew what this could mean. Maybe she wasn't squeaky clean. 

"What should we do now?" Cas asked. 

"I'm not sure, but it seems like we're chasing our tails at this point. Unless there is a body in the basement, then we are at a dead end again." 

They continued to search the house extensively, but couldn't find anything of import. They both walked back to the impala feeling defeated. The sun was just beginning to set, which was the one thing Dean was grateful for because it was blazing hot outside. They both got in the impala and drove off. 'What a fucking waste' Dean thought to himself as he drove down the road.

"Perhaps Sam found something" Cas said encouragingly to Dean. 

"Yeah maybe" Dean mumbled. 

They pulled into a Cracker Barrel parking lot. Dean looked over at Cas and shook his head.

"What is it Dean?" Cas asked.

"You're gonna have to change out of that fucking trench coat if we are going in here" Dean said. 

"Why?" Cas asked naively.

"Because you look like a fucking psycho. It's close to 100 degrees outside, it's too damn hot to be wearing that" Dean explained. 

"I'm sorry, I can not feel the heat" Cas said. 

"It's fine, just..." Dean reached in the backseat of the impala and threw a white undershirt at Cas. "Here, put this on." 

Dean turned his head away from Cas and looked out the window. Cas looked around, but only saw a few customers walk in. He made sure no one saw him and suddenly zapped the shirt on using his Angel mojo. 

"May we go inside now?" Cas asked. Dean looked him over and then nodded. They both got out and walked into the restaurant. It smelled like cinnamon inside and reminded Dean of baked apple pie. They set down at a table by the window. It wasn't too crowded inside. An older waitress with short gray hair approached them and asked what they wanted to drink. Cas knew he didn't required substance like humans did, but he learned that he needed to blend in as much as possible so he ordered a water. Dean ordered a small coffee. 

"How are we gonna find the source of this cult?" Dean asked, clearly frustrated. 

"I'm not sure Dean, but we need to speak to Sam when we get back to the motel. He might have some more information for us" Cas said.

The waitress approached the table again with the drinks and sat them down. They both ordered the country fried streak with mashed potatoes. She quickly wrote down their orders and pushed up her chained glasses. She then scurried off to the kitchen to give the orders to the cooks. 

"Dean..." Cas was hesitant about telling Dean what he saw in his dreams, but he didn't want to keep things from him. Dean started to nervously play with the pegs he found on the table. 

"What?" Dean asked. He was clearly still aggravated with the lack of progress they were making with the case. 

"Nothing" Cas said as the waitress approached them with their food.


	14. Where is Sam?

Dean and Cas finished their meals and arrived back at the motel. They opened the door to their room expecting to see Sam, but he wasn't there. Dean immediately rushed over to the tiny nightstand and picked up the phone. He dialed the number Sam gave him to the motel where he was staying. The phone rang for a few minutes, but Sam didn't answer. He then tried to call his cellphone, but he still didn't get a response. "Fuck!" Dean shouted and slammed the phone down on the receiver. Dean immediately grabbed the duffle off the floor and swiftly walked towards the door.

"Wait" Cas said and held Dean's bulky shoulders to prevent him from crashing into him. "What's going on?" 

"Sam didn't answer the phone and he said he would defiantly be back today. We need to leave now to go to Glenland" Dean said quickly. "This is the one and only time I will let you use Angel mojo on me to teleport long distances. Just make sure I'm near a bathroom."

Cas nodded, "Do you know where he is staying?" 

"The Stonebrook Motel. Room 9" Dean said and then Cas placed two fingers on his forehead.

Dean closed his eyes and with the flap of Cas' wings he promptly arrived in the motel room. He dropped the duffle and tried to maintain his since of balance. However, the vertigo overtook him. Luckily Cas was there to hold him as he stumbled to the toilet to vomit up the country fried steak he ate earlier. He stayed bent over the porcelain bowl and breathed deep, trying to prevent himself from vomiting anymore. He then slowly got up and turned on the tap from the sink to wash the acidic taste of bile out of his mouth. After several swishes of the water he wiped his mouth off with the white hand towel that hung by the sink. He finally lifted his head and turned to Cas. Dean began to assess his surroundings with wide eyes. He soon realized Sam was gone. 

"Fuck!" Dean shouted "This is all my fault! I knew I shouldn't have let him go off by himself!" 

"Calm down Dean. We have to think about this logically" Cas said putting his hand on his shoulder. Dean stepped back out of the bathroom and tripped over the duffle. He quickly got up and tossed the duffle on the queen sized bed. It looked like Sam left some of his things in the motel room. His laptop was still on the nightstand and some of his clothes were neatly folded on the bed.

"What do we do now?" Dean asked "I mean things couldn't possibly get much worse for us."

"We should start by talking to the person at the front desk. He or she might give us an idea about where he is" Cas explained. 

Dean and Cas left the beach themed motel room and walked down the long corridor towards the front desk. The motel looked newer than the one Dean was staying in. Sam must have had to pay more to stay here, Dean thought as he approached the front desk. There was a very large fish tank behind the desk with various types of fish swimming in it. A young woman with short brown hair with highlights greeted them with a smile. 

"May I help you?" She asked. Dean glanced down at her dark blue collared shirt and read her name tag. 

"Yeah Emma, I am looking for my brother. He is staying in room 9. He has medium length brown hair with brown eyes. He is about 6'5, hard to miss. Did you check him in?" Dean asked.

"Umm..yes I did. He said that he had some business to take care of and would be back later this evening to check out. If he doesn't come back then we will have to remove his things from the room. Do you wish to stay here? I hate to tell you, but we are completely booked." 

"I am just looking for my brother" Dean said.

"All I know is that he left here in a taxi around 3:00. He had a black tie on with a white dress shirt and black pants. That's all I know. Maybe you should go to the police" she explained. 

"May I take my brothers' room until he gets back? I can pay for the night" Dean asked.

"Umm..I guess that will be ok. Just don't lose this keycard. It's the only copy we have" 

"Ok" Dean responded and she slid the keycard across the shiny oak desk. 

"That will be 70 dollars" she said. 'Damn it was more expensive here' Dean thought. He was fortunate enough to win a large amount of money at the OTB bar before they came to Florida or else he would have been shit out of luck. 

"Thank you" the young woman said as Dean handed her the cash from his wallet. 

Cas followed Dean back to his brothers' room and they started to look through Sam's things.


	15. I'm Broken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry I didn't post a chapter last week. Some personal things came up that I had to deal with. I'm also really sorry for this chapter. Please don't hate me. It will get better for Dean soon, I promise. I hated to write this, but it is just where I wanted to take the story. Thanks for all the support.

Cas and Dean arrived back in Sam's room and began to rummage through his things. Dean sat down on the bed, grabbed his laptop from the nightstand and turned it on. He typed in Sam's password and when he pressed enter several windows popped up. There were a few pages about Anu on his laptop and his case journal. Sam liked to document case details whenever they went on hunts, just like their father. Dean skimmed over Sam's journal hastily and found out where he went. 

"I found something" Dean said, grabbing the attention of Cas. "He may have found the cult just a few miles from here. According to this, Sam found some information in one of the victim's houses. He said he found the the same stuff we found in Christie Barker's house except he found a tiny piece of paper with an address on it." 

"Do you have the address?" Cas asked.

"Yes, he typed it in the journal." He turned the laptop around so Cas could see. Cas nodded and looked straight at Dean.

"Dean, I...I'm not sure what happened to Sam, but my vessel is reacting strangely to this situation. I don't know what this means, but I do not wish to take you to that location." 

"Well you're gonna have to!" Dean shouted and got in Cas' personal space. His face turned bright crimson red and he made a fist. He almost thought for a second that he would throw a punch at Cas. He was pent up with so much anger from everything that was going on. It was getting harder for him to control himself. 

Cas didn't want to, but he knew he couldn't refuse Dean's demands. Cas breathed in deep and placed two fingers on top of Dean's forehead. There was a quick flash and suddenly they were in a large open field with tall grass surrounding them. Dean stumbled, bent over and vomited next to a weeping willow. His vertigo finally settled, he wiped off his mouth and stood up. It was dark, but he could still make out his surroundings due to the brightness of the full moon. They walked though the open field together for several feet until Dean stumbled across an area where the tall grass was cleared away. It looked like someone built a fire here not long ago. Smoke was still rising from the burnt wood. Dean looked frantically around the area, but he couldn't see a single soul. They continued to walk a bit further, until they heard someone in the distance. Dean quickly turned his head to see where the noise was coming from. A shadowy figure suddenly ambushed Dean and knocked him down. Cas tried to lift him off Dean, but the figure knocked him down with a punch. The figure then moved back to get some distance from them. 

"I would turn back now if I were you!" The figure shouted at them.

Cas and Dean both stood up to see if they could see what knocked them down, but they couldn't see anything. They both walked a bit further, until Dean stumbled on something large. He looked down and saw Sam's mangled pale body. His white shirt was torn and he was soaked in blood.

"Sam!" Dean shouted and pulled up his lifeless body. "Sam!!!" Dean screamed in anguish as he shook Sam's body. Rigor mortis was already starting to settle in on Sam's body. Dean looked up at Cas with tears forming in his eyes.

"Do something!" Dean yelled at the Angel. 

"There is nothing I can do for him now Dean. I am sorry" Cas reached down to place a hand on Dean's shoulder, but he jerked away.

"What do you mean there is nothing you can fucking do?!" Dean shouted and stood up. Cas could feel Dean's anger and hurt emanating from his body. "I told you to fucking do something didn't I?! You are supposed to do what I say! Now fucking bring him back!' 

"I can't" Cas said. Dean suddenly threw a punch and hit the Angel in the jaw. Cas was prepared and let his face relax before the punch to prevent Dean from breaking his hand. 

Dean kneeled down next to Sam again and held his lifeless body. He continuously cried into Sam's shoulder until His shirt was soaked in tears. Dean tried to breath in deep, but he couldn't control his broken sobs. Cas knew he couldn't comfort him because Dean would only push him further away. After several minutes, Dean stood up and turned to Cas. After Dean had come to the realization that Sam wouldn't be coming back, they both took Sam's pale corpse to an opening in the field. Dean took the matches out of his back pocket with shaky hands and struck one. Cas looked into Dean's swollen reddened eyes by the light of the match before he tossed it on Sam's body. They both stayed silent until Sam's body was completely gone, except for his ashes which quickly blew away in the breeze. Dean was still in shock from what happened and couldn't speak to Cas. He was numb to everything around him. He lost his brother. He lost the only kin he had left. He was completely broken now and Cas knew he wouldn't be the same. Cas walked over to Dean and placed two fingers on top of his forehead. Cas flew them back to Sam's motel room. Dean stumbled and gagged in the bathroom but his stomach was empty. He still bent over the toilet and began to cry into the crook of his arm again. Cas knew at that moment that he couldn't leave Dean alone anymore.


	16. Aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im so sorry it has been so long since I posted. I've been going through some personal things in my life and needed a break from writing. I'm so happy you guys like the story. I will continue to write, but I'm not sure I will be able to update every week. I just stated a new job and the hours have really taken a toll on me. Thanks again

Dean continued to sob until there were no more tears left to cry. Cas stood back and watched his friend helplessly try to catch his breath. Dean finally gathered enough composure to stand up even though he was still a bit unsteady on his feet. He continued to shake as he splashed cold water on his face. He grabbed a white towel on the back of the toilet and wiped off his face. He continuously sniffed, trying to keep the mucus from running out of his nose and looked in the mirror. His eyes were swollen and red from crying. Cas knew he shouldn't say anything to him because he knew how Dean would react. Dean's entire body was emanating every negative emotion a human could experience. He had reached his breaking point. Cas looked deep into his eyes from the reflection, he saw pure hatred and sorrow. He pushed Cas out of the way and walked out of the bathroom, wiping his face with his hand. 

Dean looked directly at Cas with tears rimming his once bright emerald eyes. "Take me back" he said somberly. Cas knew at that moment that Dean had lost his will to keep hunting and his will to keep living. Cas looked at the broken man in front of him and his eyes began to sting as tears began to form. He tried to control the reactions of his vessel again, but it was becoming more difficult. He rushed to the bathroom and shut the door. He stood in silence as he tried to compose himself. After several minutes, he walked out of the bathroom just in time to see Dean walk towards the motel door with gun in hand. 

"Dean stop!" Cas said with a raised voice. "Where are you going?" 

"I think you know exactly where I'm going, Angel" Dean said, his voice dripping with disdain. Cas' throat began to tighten and he began to walk towards him. His vessel was hesitant to do so, but he managed to propel it forward. 

"Dean...I..I am not sure what I should say or do in this situation" Cas stammered. 

"Well isn't that a big fucking surprise!" Dean yelled and he pushed the angel down. 

"You are not human and will never be one again. Go perch on someone else's shoulders and leave me the fuck alone! I can figure this case out myself without your divine guidance. What a huge fucking help you have been so far!" Dean shouted and then Dean let out a sigh as he looked down at the Angel. 

Cas stood up and blocked The doorway "Do not ask me to leave. I must stay with you. God commanded it and I..." 

"And you what?!" Dean said irritatingly . 

"I..something has been happening to my vessel when you are not around. I become ill and I do not know why. I start to...well I'm not sure" Cas said as he grabbed the back of his neck. 

"I have to go back and kill this damn thing! I don't have time for this shit!" Dean huffed. 

"It is not there anymore, Dean. We are not even sure what it was or where it went." 

"And whose fault is that?!" Dean said condescendingly " That thing killed my brother and there is no way in hell I'm going to let it harm another person!" 

"Dean, you must think about this logically. We must have a plan and know the whereabouts of this creature. We do not have any of that information so far. It is best if you remain here for the time being" Cas said in a calming manner. "You need to approach this with the right mindset. Please just remain here tonight." 

Dean wiped his face with his hand and bit his lip. He walked over to Sam's bed and sat down. The room still held the faint scent of his brother's cheap cologne and it was too much for him to handle. He placed the silver gun on the bed and broke down for the second time. He cried softly as he placed his head in his rough hands. Cas walked over to him and placed a hand on his shoulder, this time he didn't push back. Cas sat down beside him and pulled him close. He held him for the first time since he rescued him from hell. Dean's entire body was weary and shaking with sorrow. He suddenly wrapped his arms around the Angel. He held him like he was the only thing keeping him grounded. The world was spinning out of control and the only way he could make it stop was to hold onto Cas. Tears and mucus began to soak through Cas' white shirt as he gripped him tight. Cas' eyes began to sting once more and fill with tears. He tried to hold back his vessel's reactions, but it was too overwhelming. He let a few tears fall as he buried his face in the crook of Dean's neck.


End file.
